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So you want to be successful in the exciting new industry of skunk breeding? Here are five tips for achieving your skunk breeding dreams.

  1. Start small. Take care of a litter of four to five skunks first. This is enough to give you experience with different dispositions and determine if you can handle the stress of skunk care.
  2. Move to where the action is. Pittsburgh once was the home to a booming steel manufacturing industry, now those abandoned slag pits abound with skunk farms.
  3. Stay positive. Your skunks will die. Whether it is from suicide or predators like a hipster restaurant chef seeking new local cured meat sources, expect only one-quarter of your litter to live beyond five months.
  4. Be loving. Unlike other smelly mammals, skunks require vast amounts of physical affection. I suggest kissing your skunk (in the tender spot under the chin) at least ten times a day.
  5. Focus. It is easy to get distracted by the talents that these magical creatures possess. If they start dancing you might cross the boundary between skunk farmer and skunk dancer. Don’t.